Rediscovering the love of writing

Why do you love writing? Do you always love writing?

I discovered writing back in 1999, when I stumbled into fan fiction, and it was a great escape from an otherwise mundane life. I had three young children, a husband who worked 12 hour shifts, and no car. I was isolated, but through writing and fandom forums, I found friends and something to do that wasn’t being mum or wife.

However, as is probably obvious from this post’s title, I fell out of love with writing. That’s not entirely true. What actually happened was I attended Bristol Con as a trader with my books. I did not sell one. Hardly anyone stopped to talk to me. As I suffer from depression, this sparked a big downswing. My confidence evaporated. And I quit writing.

What do you do when you don’t?

I stopped writing, for the most part. I wrote the odd fanfic and sometimes I’d start an original story, but I always ran out of steam quickly. I’d no writing friends close by. I didn’t attend a writing group (my nearest was in Manchester, and it’s not easy to get to from where I live.) Not having a support network other than WriYe was damned difficult.

As I’m slowly getting back into writing, I’m determined to be gentle with myself. Life is still extremely difficult, and I’ve more on than ever now H is disabled (even writing those words hurts.) On the other hand, I’m determined to invest in myself and my writing. I’ve signed up to attend a romance conference later this month. I’m looking at joining RNA and SFWA, though I’ve not decided 100% yet.

One Year On

Just over a year ago, my husband H had a stroke. The following seven months were hell; from the first ten days where I’d no idea if he’d even wake up never mind recover, to the long trips to Trafford General to visit him in rehab.

On the 12th December 2019, we were at physio, where they broke the news that they don’t believe he’ll make any further progress. That means no movement at all in his left arm. Very little in his left leg. The bleed on his brain has affected his concentration and he’s too easily distracted to be able to walk more than a couple of steps. Stairs are impossible.

H will be discharged from physio at the end of January, when he’ll be passed on to other agencies. Their job will be to assess our home and make the necessary adaptations. So in that respect, we’ll be able to move on with our lives instead of being in our current limbo.

We’re still waiting on PIP. Once that’s sorted, we can organise a car and a blue badge. We’ll be able to get out more and, you know, have something of a life.

So while there’s a lot to process, it’s not all bad.